LOST IN TEARS

Sadness takes over me, my body does not respond, I have physical pain, but the pain of the soul is greater.

Yes, I am lost in tears, despair and helplessness. I feel as if this would never end, they say that everything passes, but the pain goes in slow motion and I still haven't learned to make peace and live with it, that pain that in recent weeks has taken control, taking away my old life, my happiness, my ground wire, my control.

That chest pain is constant, I look at my past, the one that doesn't come back, but I was so happy and full. I look at my present and it is full of doubts, pain, loss and loneliness, as if there was no way out, but something always lights up, you. I look at my future, sometimes I think I'll never get there, I feel like I'm stuck and whenever I need it, she comes reminding me why I have to go through this process, suffer and overcome myself, she reminds me of all our plans and promises that I have to keep, she reminds me which was what makes my eyes shine.

Oppression, pain and anguish do not give me rest. My present is shit, overnight I lost control of everything, of myself. It would be easy to listen to my tempting side by letting myself be carried away by alcohol, food, pills or suicide, it would be easy to listen to those voices. I know that she would not want that for me, she always wanted to see me strong and happy controlling our empire, she trusted me and I know she continues to do so, that's why, even though my soul hurts, I want to scream, I don't stop crying every time. corner remembering you and want to give up, I AM NOT GOING TO DO IT, like this, broken into a thousand pieces inside and weak, I WILL CONTINUE, because I owe it to you and I owe it to myself.

Even though at this moment I am lost in tears and drowning, I know that one way or another I am going to come out on top, I have no choice, it is that or die.

It is as if overnight I had been left with nothing having everything, that everything was you, as if I had been left without meaning, guidance and protection, then I think of going back and you appear, reminding me that you left control to me because you trusted our plans.

I'm not someone who falls emotionally, that was your fiber, you could weaken me and do whatever you want with me. I always admired you and I wanted to be like you, to have that power that you had, the strength, the desire to get ahead and the courage to face life.

The only thing I want is to let myself die, I can't, I would be failing you and I already failed you by crying, forgive me, but I will continue crying until it is necessary to rebuild myself and be indestructible, I will do it for you.

I still torment myself, I can't sleep at night, I can't forget and get over this last time, I still have nightmares, I'm not afraid, I know they are memories tormenting me and I promise that one way or another I'll get over it and be indestructible again, I'll be back to be in control and I know you know I will.

Meanwhile I will burn in my own hell and heal silently.

Letter / True Story. anonymous author.